In this article, I will discuss the etiquette of actually inviting someone to be a wedding attendant. Sometimes, if done incorrectly, there can be hard feelings that arise. As a result, there are a few simple steps you can take to ensure that everything goes smoothly.
Ask right after getting a wedding date: The best time to ask someone to be one of your wedding attendants is right after getting a wedding date. This is best for two reasons. First, if you ask before you have a wedding date, you risk having someone accept an invitation to be a wedding attendant, but then having to back out. Second, if you ask later, you won't give attendants enough time to plan. Being a wedding attendant is far more than a one-day job, so people need to rearrange their schedules.
Ask your best man/maid of honor first: You should always ask your best man or maid of honor before asking the rest of the wedding party. This is because, if you ask a wedding attendant first, you will be able to simply say that someone else will be best man or maid of honor, without having to provide a reason that might hurt feelings.
Allow people to say "no": People may say "no" to being a wedding attendant for a number of reasons, including financial reasons or overwork. It's important to allow them to do so. Remember that inviting someone to be a wedding attendant is just that, an invitation, and it is rude to ask someone why they won't accept an invitation (this is true in any circumstance, not just this one).
Allow people to say "maybe": People may need a few days or even a couple of weeks to sort out whether or not they will be able to commit to your wedding. Try to set a time by which they will make the decision and then either contact them again or have them contact you.
Ask privately: Don't ask someone to be a wedding attendant when other people are around (unless it's strangers, like in a restaurant). This is because people sometimes feel pressured if asked to do something publicly, and that isn't fair to them. Try to find some time alone. If that isn't possible, a telephone call is still better than asking someone publicly.
